Tuesday, February 25, 2014

If I Die Today...

If I die today....

...Would my family be alright?

...Can my boys survive without me?

...Have I done enough?

I have no intentions of dying today.  Not many of us do.  I am 100% positive Tammy had no idea she would die yesterday.  It had been a normal day.  Work. Academic Boosters meeting at 6:30.  Spring sports meeting at 7 pm. Workouts at the hospital after that.  Dying was not on the agenda or even considered a remote possibility.

Reality check.  It happens.  It happened yesterday to a woman who was the picture of health and life.  Alcohol, drugs, violence, or anything else suspicious had no part in her death.  There is no one to blame and nothing to blame.  It just happened.  We may find out later that she had an unknown heart condition or something else but Tammy took as good care of herself as anyone can.

All I can think about is the family she left behind.  She had no intentions of leaving them.  Her husband and her two sons must learn to live without her.  How will they cope?   How well would my boys and my husband?

I have worked to raise my sons to be capable.  They can cook, clean, do laundry and all the other things to run a house.  I plan to be here for years to help them as they establish themselves but what if I'm not?  What if I'm gone tonight?

Last year our small community experienced a couple sudden deaths.  I started thinking then that I need to get my affairs in order.  If I had died then, my husband would not have been able to find anything.  I started organizing important papers and clean out files.  I still don't think Doug could find anything but it is getting more organized.

I also started worrying about all my online accounts.  My accounts were scattered.  I made a master list and explained it to my sons.  My husband is not computer savvy.  My boys would help him figure it out.

My oldest son has a clear vision of his future and has a wonderful woman in his life.  He will be fine.

My middle son has struggled with autism but it no longer defines him.  He understands finances and people.  He knows what he wants to do with his life.

My youngest son worries me the most.  He is only 10 years old.  He has much to learn.  I have much to teach him.

We have no control over the length of our life.  It can end without warning at anytime.  We must do the best we can.